For the second iteration of “Reads by Rants and Raves,” I just had to write about the very first time I saw raves appear in pop culture. Because the moment left me gobsmacked. More than that even. I was beside myself that underground parties were outed on an episode of none other than- Beverly Hills 90210. My fresh faced and phat pants-wearing raver self simply couldn’t believe that it seeped into a popular show. My mind was blown and my eyes and ears were glued to the box TV set.
Beverly Hills 90210 was all the rage in the 90s. Its premise wasn't new. A salt of the earth, modest, midwestern family suddenly came into money and moved to Beverly Hills. Kind of like a “modern” take on the Beverly Hillbillies.
Their newly relocated twin teenagers- Brandon and Brenda (yes, that’s actually their names) land on what seems to be another planet- one of the ritziest and bougiest high schools in the country. Episode after episode, the red carpet rolls out and basically bitch slaps them to their new ostentatious reality which is rife with problems particularly nuanced to LA.
Raves didn’t enter the chat until season 2 episode 15. I missed its premiere in 1991, but caught the rerun sometime in 95 or 96. I’ll get down to the details. Brandon is obsessed with his new girlfriend, Emily, a wild child from San Francisco, which is mentioned as if- that says all there is to say. The scene opens as Brenda and two blond girlfriends strut down the high school hallway bitching that there’s nothing to do this weekend.
And wouldn't you know it- Emily to the rescue. She knows of something, that is if they’re “up to it.” She nonchalantly hands them a flyer. On it is an illustration of an egg and an address. Brenda’s all- “I don’t get it- an egg?” Emily patiently explains it’s a hip underground club which changes location every week. No age limit. No rules. She used to go all the time in San Francisco, and just picked up this flyer on Melrose.
Map points were the modus operandi in the mid-90s for Detroit and a whole lot of other cities. In the age of all too frequent busts, it was essential for someone to suss out whether you're a cop or cool. Passing the litmus test gets you directions to the party. There’s no thrill like it in the universe. Kind of like a treasure hunt, but even better.
Everyone’s game- with one major caveat. Brandon doth protests that he’s not going to dance. Which kinda might be for the best- not because he shouldn’t. But because IMO he might injure his uptight, coiffed self that walks like he has a stick up his ass. The word about Egg spreads and a few more friends decide to join. A trustafarian wannabee playboy and the editor of the high school newspaper, who makes the term goody two shoes sound risqué.
Fast forward to the eve of the rave. Sneaking out to Egg requires them to hatch a plan. So the twins concoct a narrative, easily fooling their naive and trusting parents. Everyone else either sneaks or waltzes out of their million dollar mansions to meet at their go-to hangout spot, The Peach Pit. Which is a 50s style diner that serves as the backdrop for a whole lot of moral moments on the show. The playboy and editor are late, so their friends head out without them.
They head to the mappoint, and the gang awkwardly walks into the liquor store holding the prerequisite egg in high hopes of gaining entrée to the party. The guy at the register asks for $10. The spoiled rich kids are shook, but of course ultimately they fork over the cash. Seizing the day- or rather, night- David, the youngest and arguably sloppiest of the pretentious posse asks for a bottle of whiskey. Easy peasy, he forks over another $16.
They pull up at the rave in a shiny, candy red 4-door BMW convertible that’s brimming with people, primed to pop their rave cherry. Music pumps through the parking lot that is definitely not techno. And perhaps best described as “high energy.” It’s basically some TV exec's idea of “hip” serving as the soundtrack for each anticipatory step towards the door.
Brenda’s boyfriend, Dylan- a rebel with an attitude to match his bank account and happens to be a recovering drug addict, pulls her aside. He issues a warning that surprises Brenda. “Yeah- people come for music and dancing, but some just come for drugs.
It’s super important to note that, though I'm mentioning music- none of them discuss it in the episode. Not one time.
The dressed to the nines-0210 crew enter the rave. David, who’s flush with whiskey remarks, “it’s trippy” much to the chagrin of the group. Full stop. The gang wants to know- is he on acid?! Whoah, whoah; the suddenly down Brandon translates that “trippy = groovy.” Ummm, ok. That word was not new then, but it somehow is to them. No bother, they venture out exploring the party. Brendan and Emily are turned on and just start making out.
Cut to the perennial playboy and the uptight editor arriving late to The Peach Pit. The waiter hands them a map that their friends wrote on a napkin and…an egg. Andrea, overcome with excitement and intrigue- fumbles, spilling coffee and ruining said map.
Back to the party. Brandon takes a breather from making out with Emily to once again discuss his disdain for dancing. It’s not because she asked- maybe it’s the sexual tension, I dunno. He motions over to justify what is already clear to everyone, “see that guy over there, he’s not dancing.” Emily cringes with embarrassment and points out that his shirt has a large 4 on it which he’s wearing like a billboard. She explains to the oh so innocent Brandon that it’s so people know he sells euphoria.
Now…I’m not saying that’s not a name for ecstasy- I’ve just never heard it uttered from anyone’s mouth aside from this show. So it was highly funny to me as a kid, and still is now. Also, a dealer advertising their product so brazenly seems well…pretty sloppy. Brandon asks for clarity- does she mean the “mood or the drug?” She states the obvious answer and similar to his approach to (non) dancing- Brandon makes it abundantly clear that he likes his inhibitions just as they are.
Out of nowhere, Emily spots a friend from SF and takes off to talk to them. In actuality, this sneaky bish was just jonesing for the euphoria and saunters over to make a score without him seeing. A bit later, and back in Brandon’s lap, cue the school special drug peer pressure moment. Emily claims she’s never tried it- which seems kinda questionable given her extensive knowledge.
She prods further- isn’t there any way? She heard it can bring them closer. Brandon responds that only if a poltergeist slipped it under his tongue. By which he clearly meant no consent. Emily suddenly has an epiphany that she’s a poltergeist and soon takes off for the bar to score them sodas. And then predictably dumps powder from her freshly procured baggie into the drinks.
The hard to believe moments in this special rave episode are a plenty. But, there’s one in particular that takes the cake. It’s the nonchalant zero reaction given by Brandon as gulps his unknowingly spiked soda. As if it didn’t taste like rancid chemicals. My comparably experienced 16 year old eyes rolled back in my head and then I just watched them go back at sucking face; as if the drugs just hit them immediately somehow.
Though they seem to have, let’s not forget about their friends driving around LA searching for a mappoint with a soggy napkin, clutching their fragile egg and egos. They spot a store and take a chance. So the wannabe playboy brazenly approaches the register and asks the woman to exchange their egg. Surprisingly, she starts off pretty nonplussed. “Do you have a receipt?” she asks with zero sarcasm. Side note- the return policies of that long gone era were the shit. This playboy’s insistence doesn’t relent. And he freaks out the bewildered lady who says she’s gonna call the caps. Obviously they jet.
Back at the rave, Brandon discovers that he has bumps on his tongue called taste buds. Which still doesn’t explain him not tasting the obviously drugged drink. He’s turnt- but doesn’t realize it. Once Emily sees that he’s suitably loose, she reveals her date rape-y ways. But not to worry- she’s just opening his “doors to perception.” Brandon balks, so Emily says she just didn’t understand it that way. Which even if you discover you’re suddenly a poltergeist is completely absurd.
He believes her and suddenly becomes a dancing machine. But not the kind that dances to Maniac in Flashdance- more so in the staccato movements. Emily then lost the slickness she sembled when drugging him. “The first time you get a rush is always the best” slips out of her mouth.
Cut to Brenda and Kelly heading back to the dancefloor after an excursion to the bathroom- to actually go to the bathroom. They remark to each other how disgusting it was. The needle on the record figuratively stops as Brenda’s black boot steps on a syringe. They glance up and see a couple smoking crack and go from horrified to mortified. Well, that’s what they said they saw. I looked closely a few times and it appears to me like a mini bottle of booze being waved near a crack pipe with no hint of smoke or flame.
The girls freak the fuck out. Also, it’s soon approaching the twin’s 1:00am curfew. Which again makes zero sense because that was a helluva lot to happen in at max three hours. And then on top of everything, David is piss drunk and all over the place. So they head to the parking lot and low and sight to behold, a bare chested Brandon is getting busy with Emily on the hood of a convertible.
Brenda and her boyfriend interrupt her brother’s heavy petting session. It’s time to go. Brandon, whose mind is still surfing on a serotonin laden cloud protests. So they just leave the canoodling couple and head home.
The puzzled pair finally find the party- who rolls up right after them, sirens blaring but the 5-0. They spot the lovey dovey pair who ditch their drugs and Brandon’s car; hopping into the playboy’s sportscar and take off.
Brenda is home and stressed, waiting by the door up for Brandon who defeatedly walks in around 6am. Dismayed that her brother did drugs- her crisis of conscience grows stronger. “Mom and Dad trusted us.” He clarifies that he didn’t do it on purpose- his girlfriend drugged him. Suddenly very sober and rightfully freaked out, Brandon concludes that drugs are just a big “fake-out” which kinda funnily enough rhymes with make-out.
The next day, Dylan drives a hungover Brandon back to his abandoned car, which has since been stripped down and covered in graffiti. His friend consoles him as he puts the puzzle pieces together on his murky and messed up night. He then decides that he has to confess to his Dad about the Mustang, there’s no other choice.
Back at the house, he tells his parent friendly version of the story for which the response is, “you weren’t at a movie?!” A run of the mill peer pressure conversation commences. “No Mom, I wasn’t drinking.” Ding dong, before they get to a talk about drugs, they’re saved by the doorbell. It’s the perp- Emily, who was left out of the parental explanation.
The two head to his bedroom and he tells her that the only thing that got a rise out of him was a chemical reaction. Which I’ll say is also questionable. I mean hello…he’s a teenage boy. She offers to pay for the car repair (which to me looks impossible) and he heads to The Peach Pit where he works as a waiter.
In walks Andrea, the prim and proper editor who this entire time has been overcome with a major crush on him. Miserable and exhausted he relays the top line rather than full tea. I mean she had already spilled coffee…soooooo. The episode concludes with an overhead shot of a sizzling, hot frying pan; in which of course Andrea cracks an egg. “Is this your brain on drugs?!” Fried and over it all Brandon wants to know is, “can I get bacon and toast with this?”
Sooooo..what exactly is the lesson here?! Unlike the Bobbsey Twins, I didn’t learn diddly-squat. Aside from how idiotic the TV show was. I've come to find out over the years that it’s exceptionally rare for Hollywood to get raves even somewhat accurately portrayed in film or TV. Uninformed puts it mildly. Have a suggestion of a movie or show for the next “Reads by Rants and Raves?” The request line is open.