Need vs Want?

Temptation and contemplation.

Navigating decisions big and small takes a tremendous amount of wherewithal. Our minds ponder choices galore, ping pong-ing through an obstacle course of justifications just to arrive at a decision. Or stuck in indecision, you run down the clock and procrastinate to avoid making a choice.

Temptation is real- whether music’s at the core of your life or it’s of the cookie cutter variety. The factors are endless no matter who you are or what you do. Composed of a bubbling brew of history, genetics, predispositions, barriers- imagined and real; the thoughts guiding your impulses can easily overwhelm.

Of course, allure in the dance music world has its own specificities- substances, places to go, people to see, meet and navigate, sex, etc, etc. The questions you deliberate relating to scenes and scenarios are quite often faced in heightened states of emotion, vulnerability or perhaps inebriation. Adding more layers of complexity on top of everything else.

While there’s no magic wand to make angst vanish, there is good a rule of thumb that’s streamlined my thought process, which is “need vs want.” A simple formula that’s cut down on things that might take me eons to address and lessened my stress.

I typically think of needs as the things I “have to do.” When in fact, they’re often born out of false necessities. What we convince ourselves we must do out of obligation, anxiety, addiction or fear- or just because everyone else is doing it. When the reality is a decision not to partake won’t cause your world to crumble- much less make a dent.

Wants are the things I consider as adding positive velocity to my life. Whether they have fleeting or long term benefits- they result in personal satisfaction, happiness or joy. Wants tend to be things you do out of your own volition- letting your own choices drive you with little or no influence from others.

Of course, scenario dependent, you can certainly define “needs and wants” with a wholly different lens- and I have. But regardless, I still find the action of filtering through “need vs want” helps filter and simplify my decisions. An incredibly useful tool for a brain that has a tendency for overactive analysis.

Here’s some scenarios I’ve found myself applying “need vs want.”

To go out, or to not go out?! Tis’ an eternal question, whatever responsibilities may or may not lay ahead. Is it better to stay in bed and quit while you’re ahead? Perhaps what was once fun has become monotonous, boring or the doldrums. All parties and afters are not of equal stature. Why do you want to go? Is it excitement about the music or is FOMO at the helm- or somewhere in between. My perspective honed over three decades of dancing is that- it’s really all one long party that you can bop in and out of anytime you please. No matter whether you take one night off or eight years.

Do you indulge in substances or any sort or kind? And perhaps debating whether to do them? No matter what substances you might dabble in or foray- are you on automatic rinse and repeat? Draw a line, and turn your next drink or bump into a fork in the road. And if you have impulses gnawing at you that you desperately need them- perhaps pause and reconsider, because it might hint at dependency or even addiction.

When to leave? Are you at a party and not feeling the music or the vibe? Have you ever asked yourself, “why am I here” and not been able to answer? I certainly have. And often stayed far too long for my own good. Only to finally leave and wonder why I hadn’t eons ago. The reality is when I’m unnecessarily sedentary is that I’m just being my own stick in the mud. So if boredom, misery or angst or anything else is creeping at bay, perhaps just save your energy for another day.

Whatever proclivities float your boat- you steer your own ship. And more often than not, when it comes to music and parties, you have choice. Whether it appears that way or not. And should you see no end in sight for a music led life, they’ll prove essential for longevity and happiness.