Much Ado About You

Perspective is everything.

Some say “New Year, New You.” Which makes zero sense to me. Why subscribe to that type of false advertisement and set unreasonably high expectations of yourself? It's not like POOF - the clock strikes midnight and suddenly everything changes the split second after. Evolution happens in the days, weeks and months that follow- that is, if you apply yourself and focus. Which takes awareness and persistence. Are you trying to shake things up in the upcoming year? If so, how are you going to go about it? I'm not talking about resolutions, which for me are a non-starter. An invitation to certain failure. And usually quickly. No no. What I'm asking is, do you have intentions to change your state of mind? That is if you're not finding yourself in a particularly positive place of late. Not only is that a more forgiving attitude, but it also leaves room for growth that you may not have foreseen. To radiate into every corner and crevice of your life.

In case it wasn't obvious, I'm certainly no professional. I just have years of trial and error, and error and trial like everyone else. All that being said, I figured why not share the approach I’m taking this year?! Who knows, it might be helpful to someone. And at the very least it’ll (hopefully) hold myself accountable. Because first and foremost, I’m writing this not out of a place of knowing, but a place of seeking for myself.

I’ve realized that I need to make foundational changes to my state of mind so I can amplify the positive and spend less time playing whack-a-mole, ruminating on negative or meh issues. Why oh why do these never ending draining loop-de-loops occupy so much space in my brain? The people, places, things and actions that bring me joy and fulfillment deserve not just equal, but even more attention. Sometimes we lose sight of that because what makes us anxious, mad or sad easily draws the majority of our headspace. So often we move quickly past bright and happy events without fully internalizing them. 

I recently listened to a few podcasts about slowing down and savoring the good things that happen. I was struck by the fact that while we spend time learning problem solving and coping skills, sadly the same time and attention isn’t spent cultivating and nurturing the positive. No wonder there’s often such an imbalance in my productive thought processes. When something good happens do we actually consciously receive and process it fully? Especially when a dark cloud rolls in and overshadows the beauty that recently was. It’s about time that the good times get the attention they deserve. That you deserve.

The same goes for compliments and encouragement. How can we take those gifts and stretch them further to reap more emotional rewards. It’s easier said than done. So I came up with a new practice of noting big or seemingly small positive moments each day. And then read and reflect on them soon after I wake the following day. My theory and hope is that by consistently setting the tone from the jump (or crawl) out of bed, I’ll improve my state of mind, freeing up space for creative thoughts. What impact that has remains to be seen. But what’s the worst that happens? A lovely reflective moment to myself. Okay, I’ll take that anyday.

What makes you happy, sparkle, shine and thrive? Those things are so often overlooked and taken for granted. For example, I love dance (ummm, obviously). And I consider myself first and foremost a dansuer above anything else. So it's a crime- or at the very least extremely negligent to my wellbeing that I don’t attend dance performances on the regular. I live in NYC for f*ck’s sake. So much of my time is consumed watching clips of dancers on Instagram. A short lived digital high. And what a waste. Why spend all that time scrolling when I could absorb the dancers' energy and receive the music’s vibrations from a proper sound system? Shamefully, I only need one hand to count the live performances I saw in 2023. So one of my intentions for 2024 is to count them on two hands. And bonus points if my counting ends up extending to my toes too. Think about what you already love that you can't get enough of, or what you're curious about exploring but haven’t yet. And then take conscious steps to transmute your time so your cup can potentially filleth over with the new and unforeseen.

Take stock of your body’s health at the start of this year. Do your muscles ache? Prioritize massages. If you can't afford them, think about other ways to restore your instrument such as stretching or a salt bath. Joints hurt? Start taking collagen or whatever supplements suit you. Does dancing multiple nights each week take a toll? Consider focusing on one and giving it your all. Balance is the name of that life-long game.

Who inspires and motivates you? Is a new friend peaking your interest? Take steps so that they’re more present in your life. Change up your communication’s cadence and spend more time together. Put real effort into making it happen. Talking about plans at the party is easy but it’s often forgotten the very next day- or even the same night. And round and round our well-intentioned conversations go. My method to increase my success rate is to immediately whip out my phone, pick a date, and send a calendar invite. Even if the other person is flummoxed by your persistent project management mid-party and the date ends up not working, it at least it serves as a reminder to reschedule. Trust, the success rate on those plans coming to fruition is much higher.

And spread that love and good intention forward. Did a friend randomly cross your mind while walking to the subway? Well, send them a text on the spot. Getting an unexpected message feels so good. And let's face it, many of us- especially in the winter, can feel isolated, alone or forgotten. Your low effort out of the blue wake up call might go miles in lifting the spirits of a friend you adore.

Are you not vibing with the parties at your regular haunts? Well, switch them up. We all love the fresh and familiar, but new experiences and music can offer an unmatched vitality. Try going to different places. Maybe with different people. I dunno, just switch it up. And if it's not working, then go back to the familiar. Either way, the point is, if you’re not feeling it, don't settle for less than you deserve.

None of this is easy. Changing fundamentals never is. But you're worth your time and energy to try in whatever ways you see most fit. And with all the madness currently happening in the world and it being an election year, it seems essential to have a major calibration. An attempt at a force field of sorts. Yes, all sorts of problems, events and the like will get through because this is real life not fa la la land. But mitigating my energy spent dwelling there and refocusing it on the positive and productive can only have an impact on myself, the people, causes and/or things that are most important to me. So the time is now. And it's all about you. And it's about damn time it was. So make a concerted effort to make the most of it. Wishing all love, peace, health and happiness for the New Year. X