Me Me, Meeny, Miny...NO

Gurl, this song really isn't about you.

Too often, I observe inconsiderate people at a party. Folks just bobbing along in their bubble; wylin’ out and having little consideration of those around them. I think it’s something we can all (including myself) fall privy to. Life serves extenuating circumstances that can cause so much swirl that we’re not aware of what’s transpiring around us. Most, if not all of us, have had moments like these. I certainly have had some, but I’m working to be more self aware of the experiences of those around me.

The party wasn't made specifically for you. It was made for the community. The promoter is not your couturier, customizing every detail to your liking and creating the atelier of your dreams. And neither is the DJ choosing tracks. It’s all fine and dandy to have a strong point of view (shocking I know, right?). In fact, I encourage doing so in a manner that encourages dialogue and constructive critique. The scene would be a dismal snoozefest if we all liked the same things. Communication encourages progressive change. It’s when a conversation turns into a negative tirade without considering other perspectives that things go south. So if you’re in stark disagreement about how a party operates, its ethos or don’t like the rules, the solution is simple- just don’t go. Maybe it’s not the party for you- at least right now.

I’ve seen (and heard of) egregious examples of selfishness in the treatment of nightlife workers. News flash: it’s not just the DJ that’s to thank for our experience. The rest of the staff deserves that gratitude as well. The door people, bartenders, production crew and the plethora of others who put in the sweat so you can sweat it out on the dancefloor. Their job isn’t easy. The party may be all fun and games for you, but they have to deal with a lot of bullshit, especially from those who are wasted, aggressive and/or not giving a f*ck. So have some compassion and patience with those you interact with. See someone clearing discarded cups and cans from the dancefloor? Get out of their way. Does it seem like the bartender is having a tough time? Maybe throw some extra duckets their way. Don’t be an asshole. It costs nothing to be cognizant and courteous.

Be mindful of any substances or drinks you may have. That next dalliance in the toilet stall could send you over the edge. And falling out is never the look. You might feel like you’ve got everything handled, but if folks are saying you’re making them uncomfortable, perhaps give that some thought. Be aware of how your high might affect other people’s state of mind. Though I’ll do what’s necessary to help someone in need, I’m not setting out my night to be anyone’s caretaker, I’m just trying to have a good time. So when considering that next pick me up, ask yourself whether you really need it to avoid getting carried away- physically or otherwise.

Parties are full of statuesque people. That’s not a compliment, I mean some people are literally statues. Immovable objects that are obtuse to your presence. Navigating dancefloors can be infuriating at times and getting from point a to point b can seem more like a football field. Yes, many parties are (too) crowded) but this can be an issue even when they’re not. Think about how you're occupying a space and impacting those around you. Be sensitive, especially towards those who might not always be treated with the respect they deserve in society due to race, gender, sexual orientation, abilities or internal reasons that you can’t see.

We all know the saying, “treat others how you’d like to be treated.” Well, perhaps take it a step further and consider what you can do for others that you'd like done for you? It can be something super simple like holding a door open for a stranger, giving a compliment, or checking in with a friend. Each day there are umpteen decisions we can choose to consciously turn into positive actions which serve to lift each other up and collectively improve our community.

You might be a star. But gurl- you're only the star of your own show, no matter how fab you might be or how many Tik Tok or Instagram followers you have. Don't get my words twisted; I believe you should put yourself first. It took me a long time to learn that lesson after heaps of mistakes. And putting it into practice is a work in progress. For years, I unnecessarily put myself second at my own detriment. Doing so robbed me of an opportunity to evolve into a stronger person and in turn better support my friends. It’s more than okay to focus on yourself, just not at the sake of others. The key to this balance is through mindful actions which consider the evolving needs of those around you.