Door policy in NYC can be fierce. Excuse me; at many of the hottest parties it IS fierce. And hello; Berlin has some of the most notorious door policies I’ve ever heard of. The nuances spanning parties and clubs across the globe varies wildly. And of course, there's a helluva lot to discuss regarding the door policies themselves- a topic deserving its own piece. This column however, focuses on the one constant amongst them all- the door people. Because they typically don’t get enough attention and respect for the difficult job at hand. And it’s quite tricky to work in a pressure cooker dichotomy as both the enforcers and entrees to a good time.
To be rejected at the door feels like shit. Your mind races with a mixture of dejection, anger and/or sadness. Is it something you said, did, or looked like? Maybe. Maybe not.
They say when one door closes, another opens. So perhaps use it as a learning scenario to assess your approach, timing, look, etc. But please know rest assured, that getting turned away may not have diddly squat to do with you. There’s a whole plethora of reasons that could amount to you just having poor timing. If you’re lucky, the door person may offer up a reason. Maybe you agree with them, but perhaps not. Regardless, absorb their words. That’s real tea. But whatever you do, don’t question them or demand a reason. It certainly won’t accomplish anything and is a surefire way to never set foot there in the future.
Know this. The door people’s job is TOUGH. They interpret the specific admittance policy at each event, which varies per the promoters instructions and have to- I repeat have to- put that in effect. Their job is to size you up along with hundreds or even thousands of other people one by one in a matter of seconds. If you've ever been turned away, I’m in no way diminishing your plight. Like why me?! Am I not cool or xyz?! That royally sucks.
But what I don't understand is people getting outrageously mad at the door people. Even taking it out on them well after the fact, talking shit IRL and/or on the socials. Babes- they're just doing their job. Just like you do at your workplace- whether it be an office, restaurant, factory…whatever. You have instructions, go about your business and get paid.
Well folks, it does the same for door people. And our nightlife playground is their workplace. Sure, they play in the same spaces too- when they're not working. So holding a grudge and being bitchy- especially when it carries into the next days, weeks or months is a terrible look. Though it’s possible that it’s personal, it more than likely is not. Know that sometimes they even have to turn away their own friends.
Think about it. You’re at a restaurant and the host/ess isn’t able to seat you. Well, similar logic applies. Give grace to those doing incredibly tough jobs. Because though you may only perceive them as an obstacle to your fun time, they’re smack dab in the heart of it all. They get the good, bad, and ugly attitudes. And they deserve respect equivalent to the DJ. You know when you’re at a party and the crowd is A++++. Yes, the promoter plays a big role, but the door person puts their intentions into actions on the spot. Simply put, they’re the curators of the exquisite party you so eagerly want to join.
And what exactly are you bringing to the party? Because if it’s just your money- well, good luck. Energy, confidence, style, manners and presence are all part of the tightrope that a door person has to assess in 60 seconds or less. Think they got it wrong? They very well might have. But perhaps adjust your approach and try again in the future. Whatever you do, don't go back in the queue the next time around like it's groundhog’s day and not expect to get rejected again. And then get pissed off. Again- they're generally not what's actually in your way from the festivities; it's the door POLICY.
Huge disclaimer: If you’ve ever been rejected because of racist, sexist, homophobic, ableist or the way too long list of other -ists and -phobias, that's a whoooole other ballgame. Erase everything I just said. Because that is some f*cking BULLSHIT and it's atrocious that you have to deal with that.