Is It Really a Rave?

Or is it some other kind of party? Words matter.

It was the last straw in what felt like a Costco sized case of them. A friend was showing me a horrifying YouTube video. My jaw dropped in disbelief seeing people at what looked like a Hilton Garden Inn with the worst EDM music (as if there’s another kind) playing. Their arms, hands and fingers dancing and flinging about in patterns and waves, not just in front of their own face, but that of others too.

And It didn’t end there. The coup de grace were the multicolored lights glowing brightly and flashing rapidly on each of their fingertips. Think E.T. on overdrive. And these kids were just as alien to my sensibilities as they would have been. Their movements kinda reminded me of the person with the cap in the infamous 2003 Mitsubishi Eclipse commercial. But these kids were toddlers then, so it seems their bright idea was conceived in some other way. 

This, erm…let’s call it an activity, is called “gloving.” And I’m clearly not a fan. However, and I truly mean this, to each their own. I’m glad these kids are happy doing what makes them happy. And I’m even happier that they’re not doing it at any of the parties that I go to. What actually caused me to gawk in shock, was the fact that they called this facsimile a rave. Blasphemous. Preposterous. There’s not one similarity to what an actual rave is. It was yet another faux rave in a long list of ones that are most certainly not.

These faux raves are numerous. You know…you’ve seen them. Rave has become synonymous with just about any type of party. Silent raves. A Boiler Room set. And arguably the worst, a corporate event. Elon Musk threw a 9,000 person “rave” at Tesla’s Berlin factory. That actually happened. There’s probably even some kid out there that had a rave themed Bar-Mitzvah.

Now, I wasn’t there at the inception of raves in the 80s. But I was in the heart of it by the mid 90s, in what I call the analog days. Meaning before cell phones and the internet. So my frame of reference is well within the parameters of what raves started out as. I’m not saying things don’t change over time, they do. But the leap and liberties being taken with the word rave is like calling an apple an orange. Or even better yet, calling a film festival a book fair. From my lens, it really is that wildly different.

Me at Mirror Image in Detroit 1996.

Enough’s enough and words matter. The term rave has been commandeered by the kids, corporations and alt facts so sometimes I think, let them have it. It’s way too far gone to reclaim at this point in time. We never even called them raves anyway, we called them parties. But that’s way too general and I can’t think of another word that’s fitting. So I’m hopeful that people are bucketing everything to a singular word because no one’s clarified the differences publicly. I’m all about linguistics (Scrabble anyone?), so I propose the classifications as follows:

Raves

• Ideally illegal, but at minimum underground.

• It’s in a space that’s solely being used for the fleeting moment. Like Cinderella, it’s decked out (in sound, lights and decor) only to turn right back to the original space it was, though not at the stroke of midnight.

• Are thrown in the spirit of rebellion, not conformity.

• Promoted to limited audiences rather than the mass public. In other words, they’re not on Eventbrite.

• A diverse crowd that’s musically driven.

• Have DJs actually doing the damn thing, not pretending to with their hands in the air 50% of the time or (gasp) a pre recorded set.

• A vibrant dancefloor with vibrant dancers.

• Bonus Points: physical flyers, an info line, a map point, smart bar (smoothies) and an ambient room.

Events

• Business techno. Both the music and the vibe.

• At a commercial space that’s used on the daily or weekly. Might also be used for weddings or other non dance music related events. It can be a club, but if so it’s a massive one.

• Are promoted on Facebook to whomever.

• Are over 500 people.

• Have a homogeneous and lackluster crowd. Many of whom the music is secondary to.

• Much of the time, shitty sound that’s not balanced properly for the space.

• A weak dancefloor with people just milling about.

• Lots of phones present, with the majority of people looking at them, taking a video or talking.

• Lack soul. Perhaps the promoter sold it to the devil, kidding not kidding.

Clubs

• A space designed specifically for parties which happen regularly.

• A sound system built for the space as well as lights.

• A proper dancefloor (there’s no yoga mat type floors here).

• Can be any size (though for me the smaller the better).

• Can range from exceptional to shitty and take all different shapes and forms.

• Various promoters throw parties there which can give the space an entirely different vibe.

• Hopefully have a code of conduct.

Festivals

• Too often than not, there’s sound bleed between the stages.

• You often have to purchase drink and food tickets and wait for them in a long line. And then there’s a separate long line to get the actual said drinks and food.

• Have corn dogs (at least in Detroit, which is a plus).

• Multi-day/night events.

• Have lots of parties surrounding them.

• Have digital flyers with about 15 fonts ranking the DJs from popular to not as much.

There’s clearly some grey area here ya’ll. It’s certainly not black and white. In those cases I highly recommend the catchall word, party, which is ubiquitous.

I know I’m probably asking too much. It would take a seismic shift for things to change and that looks highly unlikely. But one never gets what they don’t ask for, right? So consider this tirade my plight, no matter how futile it may be. At the very least I hope some folks give their terminology a bit more thought. And if not, well, then I just established a glossary for my Rants and Raves Substack which I’m hoping you’ve decided to subscribe to.