Whether your social calendar is maxed to the hilt or as seldom and sporadic as the desert rain, you can probably relate. You know- the times when you’d much rather not do what you planned to do or go where you planned to go. When the lead weight of obligation nags at your conscience with the pull of gravity. Sometimes those things fall under the umbrella of tasks like going to the DMV, the dentist or doing your taxes. On those dreaded days we often drag our feet coming up with every delay tactic under the sun and then some; until finally acquiescing to the inevitable.
Society is cavalier when it comes to discussing the mundane things the majority of us dislike doing. Yet, when it comes to not wanting to go to a party many of us keep our very valid reasons to ourselves. It’s as if there’s shame in not doing what others are doing. Or what others think we should be doing. Like, you have a standing obligation to hop on the so-called fun train, no matter where it’s headed, including off the rails. Scenarios such as these can breed a certain pang of guilt unlike others, your mind racing with thoughts of feeling lame and putting yourself down. You might come up with an excuse a notch or two above, "I’m washing my hair tonight.” Whatever your justification, you find a way to dip out and keep the rationale to yourself.
Sometimes it’s not that you don’t want to go out. You just chose to do something different. A left turn from the usual humdrum and not sure if your friends will understand. Maybe you want to hear a new sound, go to a new club- something or somewhere caught your attention. There’s a gazillion infinite explanations for the decisions each of us make on the daily…or ermm nightly. So there’s certainly no one size fits all approach. But what I will say is that if revelry becomes a chore, then why oh why are you going out? Because if going to a party becomes a job-ligation that shit is whack. What’s more important than fun is YOU. Your health, sanctity and state of mind. Not to mention your wallet, your energy and most importantly- your precious time.
If someone would have told lil 16 year old me that I’d be writing about not going out I’d have thought they were cuckoo bananas. Fun is the name of the only game I knew for many years (Scrabble aside). But as time goes on, what was once a novelty becomes the norm. And as relationships deepen, obligations multiply. Many for very good reasons, but sometimes not. Sometimes you promise them to others- but much of the time they're self imposed and only live in your head.
If you drag your feet to a dancefloor and reside there mentally checked out, I recommend you check in with yourself. Your presence isn’t doing a favor to anyone- including yourself. Saying “I have to go” when it comes to a party is some bullshit. You don’t have to be there unless you WANT to. Helloooo, a party is supposed to be enjoyable. And your time is as valuable as your friend that’s a DJ, an artist or promoter. And it’s not like they’re showing up during your 9-5 and applauding. How incredibly awkward would that be?! So if your night out solely to show support messes with your ability to do what you want in your life and/or negatively impacts your mental state- well, f*ck that.
Because as glorious as nightlife can be- we've all had occasions when you'd rather sleep, pick your nose or watch Contact for the 500th time. Whatever the situation, I maintain that what you might think of as an excuse is actually a reason. And a very valid one at that.
Of course, supporting your friends is of the utmost importance. But not at a cost to your own well-being. Perhaps you have a codependent friend who can’t seem to go anywhere without you by their side. Or you have to show face at some party because you're convinced it won’t be the same without you. And these days when everyone and their mother seems to be a DJ that can equate to a whole lot of parties. Which is fab. Unless maybe that night you’re not the version of yourself you want to present to the world. Or you’d just simply rather spend your time elsewhere.
Your good time should never ever come at your friends’ peril. Looking out for one another is always the look. And while you might waltz into the week ahead pas de problem, the bleak blues might behold your best friend. I firmly believe everyone is their own agent and ultimately responsible for their decisions; regardless of the pressure tests that can crumble the best of us. So if it's a friend tempting you (and I have definitely been that friend) as innocuous as their intentions might be- they can eat it. Because you are your own sustenance and at the end of the night and day and perhaps even the next night, the only person that really has to deal with you is you. And if you’re showing up for your friends in LIFE, not just in nightlife- that’s where it’s at.