Bathrooms and Baggies

How NYC and Berlin differ.

The differences between Berlin and NYC couldn’t be starker. Both are clearly fab. And the nuances make them the cities they are. And nowhere is that more clear than the packaging of party supplies and the culture and customs going on in bathrooms. My perspective is certainly skewed towards the NYC style operandi. It's what I'm used to. So before I start, I want to make it clear that I'm not bathroom or baggie shaming whatsoever. I just think the differences are hilarious.

Let's start with baggies since that happens before one’s used in said stall. As a self proclaimed PhD rave anthropologist, I've conducted extensive research both on the field and by surveying opinions. Though experiences vary, for some it seems Berlin can be more timely than NYC. As fast as NYC is, the same can't always be said about the service. Fifteen minutes usually means an hour. And an hour could mean three. It's a wait and see them when they arrive game that can be exhausting. Which is why I suggest taking care of your errands on a Tuesday or Wednesday. You'll often find the time estimates are much more reliable. A little planning goes a long way. Who wants to be late to a party because they're sitting at home, tapping their toes waiting for their favors to arrive?!

When it comes to the packaging, well…there's no other way to say it than- Berlin, what the fuck?!! A sandwich bag is for a sandwich, not for a smidgen of your preferential treat. There's a difference between bag and baggie for a reason. Baggies are their cuter cousins. They travel easily. Also, they're less wasteful on plastic so there's that. And you often have to contend with an air bubble when you seal it. Getting it out?! Good luck with a key. You need a tool the length of a periscope to procure it with ease. Maybe that's one of the reasons Berliners aren't partial to bumps?! But more on that later. Then there's the paper fold. Environmental reasons aside…really? First off- it must take so much time to create a ton of those little origami packages. Like why?! And using them at the party is a teeter tottering act that requires a very steady hand. You can easily sweat through paper while dancing resulting in a soggy and sad mess. The little plastic cone is perhaps the most baffling of all. Especially given its popularity. I don’t understand how people finely (and finally) get it out. If someone can explain how that’s supposed to work efficiently, please let me know.

The NYC baggie standard is the apple bag. Named such because the baggies come in a bag with an apple on it. They're not flimsy, are a solid weight and seal quite securely. I don't know what else to say other than that except they're sized appropriately and a classic for a reason. There's a plethora of similar baggies of various types and designs. Something for everyone really. There's also glass vials. The people who love them stand firmly by them. Even though they’re not a fave, they’re a big step up from the little plastic cones.

Now on to the bathroom. Lines in Berlin are such a thing. That's a pun because a) there's long lines everywhere you go and b) people pour out treats on their phones to neatly arrange them in rows. Which takes time. A long time. I dare say that’s the reason you were waiting 30 minutes for a stall. I just don't get it. It's not efficient at all. I want to maximize my time on the dancefloor and not in a dirty toilet. Yes the kiki is cute, but you know what sucks- when you're in the stall and your fave track comes on. You and your friends have been dilly dallying and you run back to the dancefloor missing half the song. And just when I thought I had heard and seen it all, a friend told me he saw someone in Berlin dragging a barstool into the stall. He blocked the door and said “no no no.” And that was that.

To each their own as always, but I don't get it. Yes, yes I've flagrantly taken my sweet ol’ time plenty while having a cute kiki. I'm not innocent at all. But the NYC average is not even close to the time it takes people in a Berlin bathroom. The result? Queues that move at a snail's pace and are a kilometer long in Berlin.

I recently saw (and tried to wait patiently) while people arranged a substance in neat lines at the pace of molasses. And then to my surprise, they followed it by doing a quick bump of a different type. I bewilderedly asked, why the difference? They both shrugged their shoulders as if to say who cares and replied, “it’s about the experience.” 

Back in NYC, I recently saw someone handing their business in the bathroom Berlin style. And they accomplished the entire maneuver lickety-split. It occurred to me that the typical timeframe parties take place is hugely influential on the minutes spent in the bathroom. Berlin operates 24/7, kind of like a techno version of Las Vegas, while NYC parties usually have a more clearly defined start and end time. The all important kiki has to take place somewhere. In NYC, much of that socializing happens during afters at someone’s home (clearly my preference) and in Berlin, where there’s no end to the party, the kiki takes place during intermittent dance breaks in a stall.

To wrap up this rant on an important note- I’m not mentioning anything about quality because that's dependent on what you do. That is, if you do anything at all. Which is also very fab, and waaayyyy less of a hassle amongst other significant reasons. And who wants to be waiting in line for the bathroom for 30 minutes when you could be getting your life on the dancefloor?! As a dansuer who is very impatient, that's something to ponder.