Ask Tovah #1
Long Distance Lovers & Ground Scores
You know the saying, “there’s no such thing as a stupid question.” Well, I’m not sure that's valid for all questions, having asked some dumb ones myself. But I can say for certain the quandaries submitted to “Ask Tovah” were anything but that. The gaggle of questions ya’ll sent in are more than I could have hoped for! So many insightful inquiries I hadn’t yet thought of and some which work beautifully into upcoming pieces on my forever growing list of article ideas.
I’ll be answering a few questions in the bi-weekly column. So please keep ‘em coming!! XOXO
When visiting other places for dance festivals or general merriment, we often meet cuties and have abbreviated romances. Sometimes we even fall in love. But i find it difficult to know what to expect from these connections when we don’t live in the same place and neither party has any intention of moving. How does one manage the pining that comes with this fun but ephemeral lifestyle? Is there hope for true love to arise from these connections? - Hoes In Different Area Codes
First off, Mazel Tov. It’s incredibly admirable to be sexually and/or emotionally free. Though it seems as common as oxygen in some circles these days, for me it's nothing to sneeze at. Regardless, bless you and your libido.
What to do when you become hooked by your hookup? Communicate. And then communicate some more and consistently. Do you both feel similarly? You might be wistfully thinking of each other the week after, but next month could be a whole different story. So check in and often. As scary as it is, honesty is key. Projecting unrealistic expectations that arise out of fairy tales can often extinguish arousal.
Fantasyland is what you make of it. But reality is what it makes of you. Perhaps it was your rose tinted vacation glasses that obscured actuality. Like a Seurat painting, some people are better from a distance. Not every love is meant to last or worth pursuing. A great love can be short lived. And if it spoils as quickly as a carton of milk you might still find yourself ahead through the lessons learned.
Still feeling the love? Well just because they seem like Mx. Right, they may not be for right now. There's always hope for true love, but that doesn't mean it will last forever. Or look like what you’d expect. Maybe it's someone to grow old with. Or an important summer romance. Or the best fuck of your life. Or a disaster that you'll learn from leading you to something better. Whatever it is, at least you’re getting your rocks off and some romance. So live the present like a present and enjoy them now.
What to do with ground scores? Try and return them? Test and take them? - Finders Keepers
Excellent question. If you would have asked me about ground scores 5 years ago I'd giddily examine the baggie and use all my senses to sleuth it out. Surprises and mysteries are the best, especially when they're free.
Those days are over. And they’ll never be back. Fentanyl and a bunch of other bullshit is lurking around in unsuspecting baggies all over the place. It’s more prevalent than you might think. There’s no drug worth the risk of your life or your friends. So my advice is to leave it be.
Some of you might still be inclined to spin the roulette wheel of real consequences. If so, I implore you to test the substance thoroughly. Testing for fentanyl and xylazine is a MUST. The last time I swooped up a floor drug, it tested positive in two seconds flat and freaked me the fuck out.
Also be sure to conduct a reagent test which classifies the type of drug it might be. You may be thinking, “why not wing it and try it yourself?” Well, these days there’s a plethora of letter and number drugs that you could easily mistake for something else. And those drugs are often dosed by the milligram. So taking just an eensy teensy tiny bit more than what's recommended might blast you to a not so pleasant dimension that’s an anxiety ridden hellscape of a nightmare that will seemingly never end.
As for finding the person- that’s super kind, but unless you see them drop it, it’s probably not worth your time. The first person to hear about a lost baggie will likely claim it whether it's theirs or not. So I say continue dancing and prancing.
