Ask Tovah #6

How to Deal With Less Than Ideal.

Best practices on addressing people who place themselves before the community or the music?

We’ve all seen them. Unfortunately, the shenanigans they pull are often too difficult to miss even though you’d prefer not to witness them. I’m talking about folks who selfishly put themselves before everything and everyone else at the expense of others. Whether it’s by being way too f*cked up, out of control requiring others to take care of them, messy boots, causing unnecessary drama, taking up space, or any other sh*tty attitudes and actions. So just how do you deal with these types of folks and situations when they occur?

There’s no simple or one size fits all solution to these types of issues, so sharing advice on a broad scale is tricky. You can, however, keep these parameters in mind when assessing the scenario at hand. Before doing anything, it’s important to pause and reflect whether something should be addressed, because not everything always does. Sometimes it’s actually best to let things lay and walk away. Because people have different values, ethos and reasons for being in the dance music scene. And though for me and many others, music and community are of the utmost importance, the reality is some may be in it for fame, drugs, or a plethora of other reasons. And we’re not in a cult sharing all the same beliefs. So if you encounter a troubling situation along these lines, what should you do?

1. Is what this person is doing (or not doing) causing danger or harm to themselves or others? Or is it just bothersome? If the latter, is it really worth your energy and time or can you just ignore what they’re doing?  

2. Will addressing the issue cause more friction than potential benefit? Adding to or starting drama unnecessarily isn’t ever the look.

3. Are you someone this person may be willing to hear out? If not, who is best? And if so, are there others who could be helpful in the scenario as well?