Partying completely nude at Berghain: slay. In NYC?
I wouldn’t classify myself as a “never nude,” however I don’t foresee any plans to boldly display myself in the buff at Berghain or any party, anywhere at any time. A huge part of that is confidence, but also, I really, really just love turning a lewk. Also, I’d feel more naked without a skirt to prance about in. So prefacing my POV with the disclaimer that it doesn’t come from a place of ever having been there nor done that. And I’m certainly not judging anyone for baring more than their soul. In fact- I’m in awe of your confidence level, resilience to chilly temperatures, or even a brisk fan. And while there’s never an excuse for anyone creepily leering and making you feel uncomfortable, I’d assume you putting it all (and then some) out there means that you get looks a plenty. And I’m guessing you accumulate many fans to boot while working your booty.
So what is the deal with going au naturel? Some cities and parties are more conducive than others to those who show up in nothing but their birthday suit. I mean, I was just walking down the Castro in SF and was certainly overdressed. Party-wise, I’d start off by asking what’s the dress code du jour? Is there one? No serving without a shirt and shoes perhaps?! If a policy involves any sort of attire your best bet is to at the very least cover your bits and pieces so as not to find your bare ass escorted out. Unsure? Message the promoter in advance. Also, I’m guessing (correct me if I’m amiss), that a big point of nudeness is for freedom of oneself. So if your streaking causes a kerfuffle and is cut short, then what was the point aside from short lived attention stroking nothing but your ego? Regardless of what you’re wearing or not, that’s never the lewk.
I’ve had this group of friends for a while, who have been really great to me but I feel like things are changing and I’m not as connected to them anymore. I care about them but our interests have changed. How do I navigate the change in dynamics without hurting anyone?
I very much appreciate the amount of consideration and respect you have for your friends and maintaining your relationships. Sounds like nothing particularly is amiss- you’re just looking to re-allocate the finite time and energy you have amongst yourself and possibly others. Expand your circle. Maybe minimize it. Step out of your status quo regardless of what that might mean. And it’s not because the grass is looking greener elsewhere- it’s simply that a new shade of chartreuse, jade or kelly is drawing you in.
Those who have even one long term friendship are beyond fortunate. And finding yourself amongst a group of close knit friends or chosen fam is akin to winning the lottery. Those relationships are to be treasured and nurtured. Just know that the one consistent amongst them is evolution. It could go at a snail’s pace for decades and then suddenly galavant about like a gazelle who’s got ants in their pants. Which is why grace and space for each other are paramount. As foreboding as it might seem, the friends you love and treasure deserve a conversation if you’re feeling a fluctuation. From someone who has been on the receiving end of seismic shifts I never saw coming, it’s impossible to overstate how much that would have benefited everyone at hand; and circumvented a massive amount of wasted energy, time and heartache.
Pulling away from friends suddenly without explanation can be quite cruel- even if unintended. Because what’s clear to you might not be to them. Who wants to sit holding the proverbial empty bag? It can be incredibly hurtful and confusing when you’re clueless as to why the other person is acting the way they are. Caught up in a loop de loop cul-de-suc wondering whether you said or did something wrong. Pondering whether the person you thought was your friend is actually an asshole. Especially when all it takes is some grown up conversation to quell anxiety and nerves. So as awkward as it might be- if you truly love/care about the other person, it’s not only warranted- it’s the humane thing to do.
So just how do you go about that?! For one, don’t lead with “it’s not you, it’s me.” That’s waayyyyy too cliche. But the truth is actually along those lines. Perhaps explain in as much detail you’re comfortable with why the sudden shift in your dynamic. Make it evident that you’re not ending it. t’s just that your communication cadence needs to change at this very moment. You might need a break. Maybe your tastes and/or lifestyles are diverging. If it’s not about them, then make what it is about crystal clear. Whether it be the music, people, spaces- whatever. Reinforce how much you love them and make sure they truly understand that. And if they’re not understanding, be patient, perhaps try again and at the end of the day well- at least you tried your best. And you never know, they could have something they’ve been wanting to express to you as well.
Sometimes friends drift apart only to come back together in a beautiful and unexpected new way. And sometimes….not so much. But regardless, your friends deserve the utmost respect because ultimately you value the same for yourself.