A Conscious Exchange
Tit for tat about this, that and other things.
Give and take. A phrase uttered so often that we don’t always register the gravity of its meaning- both to ourselves and society at large.
What comes to mind when you hear “give and take?” Is it money? Sex? Time? The environment? Communication? Or is it something intrinsic and invisible?
Such as energy. Okay…I’m really (really) trying not to be woo-woo. But maybe- just maybe…I am. Because when waxing on about energy recently, a friend raised their eyebrows and asked, “what are you- the rave Gwenyth Paltrow?!” Upon which I nearly barfed.
Full disclosure (and of no surprise), I’m not a scientist or a physicist. I am however informed by curiosity to the nth degree. And something I’ve learned is that energy doesn’t die. I originally heard this infinitely inspiring factoid at a loved friend’s memorial service. And in the years since- I’ve realized time and time again just how universally applicable that law of physics is.
So what does that mean in the context of our music driven, party-going lives? Because it’s not only about the energy we give and take, but also what we choose to not give and take.
DRAMA:
Music scenes galore have an insane amount of drama- and more. Some of it is incredibly real and important. But a lot of it is hyped-up and propagated by he-said, she-said, they-said. And on the receiving end of all that noise can be preconceived notions, biases and misplaced frustrations that this hearsay gets channeled through. Resulting in people, places and things getting distorted, magnified, vilified, crucified and/or “cancelled” with little discernment or lens of objectivity.
Never-ending cycles of drama are soul sucking. Especially after factoring in that in tandem we’re dealing with the dystopian, never-ending news and personal issues. But here’s the good news. When it comes to dramatics of the third party kind; it’s our choice whether we listen, participate and believe. Remember, there’s at least two sides to every story. And no limit on the twists and turns a tale takes over time. Anyone who’s whispered a game of Operator as a kid knows this to be true.
If you’re on the receiving end of this negative noise that has nothing to do with you- but might put you in a bad mood, perhaps walk away or disengage. Or nod politely. Because engaging with outrage is a decision to participate and propagate negative energy further. And on the inside that toxic talk derails your state of mind and tenses your body. Which has to release somewhere or at someone (including yourself)- whether you’re aware of it or not.
Bestowed upon drama of the personal kind can certainly be tougher. Especially for anyone with a patience level less than zero (me) and short fused (ummm…me) The choices however, pretty much boil down to the same. Engage or walk away. A helpful cross-check in those scenarios can be- does exerting energy at the situation have any chance at evolving or improving it for the better?
PARTIES:
Who hasn’t bitched about a party? Since you can’t see me- know I’m raising my hand. Well if you’re at one and talking trash to others about it - it might very well be time to take off. It’s quite gauche to poo poo a party in the presence of those making their living from it and partygoers living from it.
That all being said, constructive criticism is crucial to society- and necessary for its advancement. But WTF is up with talking mad shit on social media and then showing up? It stinks of hypocrisy. The difference between the two being namely- words, tone and and lack of awareness; especially for people with good intentions trying to eek out a living.
And even if you despise a party- that promoter is getting off their ass and doing something. And can you say the same? Or are you just playing the blame game?
Perhaps you’re stuck pondering whether to attend a party you don’t like due to ethos, promoters or some gut distrust? Just don’t go. It really is that easy. The door works both ways. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone- including yourself. Why exert your precious energy when feeling the ick? Or on the flip side, begrudgingly attend only to be a sad Sally projecting pessimism onto others. It’s just not worth it. There will be other parties. And you can catch your favorite artist another time. So perhaps save it for when you can actually release and recharge properly.
RELATIONSHIPS:
Ever had a relationship fracture and distance dug into murky depths by an extended abyss of silence? It impacts folks in different ways; but one thing’s for certain- it doesn’t feel good. No matter what reasons for the change- from loving attitude to dismissal and quietude. Whether due to life, ego, expectations or misunderstanding (or all of the above)- it’s only through “we” that it’ll ever get sorted.
Folks have different capabilities and it’s tougher for some to break those barriers than others. But if a scenario continually nags on your mind and weighs you down, it’s almost always worth at least one real go at communicating. Whatever happens, you’ll likely be better for it knowing you tried. And if the other person or people matter to you- know they might be better for it too. Even if your resolve is to walk away respectfully. There’s a whole lot of shitty, shitty things happening in the world that we can’t impact; so why not impact what you can.
Here’s a shocker. I’m a communicative person. I love to talk. And I love resolve. But I’ve learned (and am continuing to learn) that not everyone is the same. Finding the words and nerve can be difficult- but a full conversation doesn’t have to happen from the jump. Just break the ice. Maybe a thoughtful letter can be heard in a way that spoken words can’t. Or simply a text promising a full discussion when you’re able to- and following through.
Proof in point; have you ever gotten a nod or a bit of acknowledgement from someone who broke your heart? Even if you’re still feeling somewhat torn or forlorn- their small action can change your trajectory and state of mind. Which can be satiating on an unquantifiable level.
Different scenarios call for different measures. And I’m certainly not suggesting to forgo disrespect and neglect from others. Only you know what a situation calls for, and whether to make a call- by picking up the phone.
A tremendous amount of humanity is found by recognizing capabilities in others that aren’t natural to ourselves. And acknowledging the ways in which they’ve impacted us. And showing respect in return by leaning in. So you can begin..,again. You’ll both likely be better for taking a leap rather than lip service.
THE TANGIBLE:
The aforementioned are all intangible energy exchanges. All of which are devalued in our capitalist society. So lest I forget that there are innumerable fungible things we project our energy into and attempt to summon it out of. The many, many things commodified, deified and coveted- at a cost.
Of all things party related, tickets come to mind first. Because they’re essential in funding well…everything at a party. Which is increasingly expensive and difficult for many folks to afford. So if you’re fortunate enough to be offered a guest list spot- what energy are you bringing into the space? Are you causing a ruckus and being a mess? If so- know you’re taxing the promoter and nightlife workers while benefitting by getting a free ticket. Being a guest means being extra on-point. An extra set of eyes looking out for the party and partygoers’ best interest, Kind of a caretaker of sorts.
Should you partake in shenanigans of any sort- what’s the cost vs benefit ratio? Is what you’re ingesting serving you- or is it depleting you? Because spending coin on something that drains your energy is essentially throwing money out the window- and then some. So if substances you’re putting in your body have toxic results, try to take them out of the equation. And as a big bonus, your wallet will thank you too.
And if you have generous friends that time and time again accommodate your ummm…appetite for fun; check in. Because sometimes offerings can go unrecognized and lead to unsaid resentment. And who knows- your friend might not crave anything but some recognition. People have different means and give and take in different ways. And the net net is that you’re looking to have fun, ya?! Well, social rituals of this variety are best paired with good and transparent intentions.
Energy gets spent; and it’s best to not resent where it went. So perhaps be even more conscientious of reciprocal exchanges of all shapes and sorts. For your benefit of course. But also the party, places, people and things galore that we adore and respect. The more of us who do so collectively will be a saving grace for our shared time and space. And…what else can I wrap this column with other than a lil “woo-woo.”